There is No Fear in Trying

Living fearlessly is not the same thing as never being afraid. It's good to be afraid occasionally. Fear is a great teacher. - Michael Ignatieff 

Allow me to be my nerdy self here for a moment: I've always been a healthy mix of Ravenclaw and Slytherin traits. I'm brainy, metaphorical, cunning, sly, self-righteous, and determined... but for this next week, I'm opting to become a temporary Gryffindor. I'm tapping into every ounce of inner strength and courage that I have and I'm going to turn it into something beautiful. 

For the rest of this week, nothing is going to make my knees quiver, nothing is going to make my heart shake in it's cavity, and nothing is going to stop me from getting what I want. I'm going to be logical and I'm going to do things in my usual manner, but I'm going to add a twist of courage to the end. I'm going to go out of my way to do things that scare me, and I'm going to live better because of it. 

In truth, the thing that scares me most is the feeling of fear. Not to turn this whole thing into one giant Harry Potter reference, but he was very wise to choose fear as the thing he feared the most. If not for fear, there wouldn't be anything to be scared of in the first place. Thus, for me, the scariest thing in the world is going out of my way to make myself vulnerable, and that's going to be my goal this week. Call me a masochist. 

Why today was awesome: I aced my German exam! 

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 19

Why I Wish Time and Rabbits Had Similar Functions

There really aren't enough hours in a day. I don't say this because I'm so completely and alarmingly busy all the time, but because I don't like to be that way. If I attempted to do everything in my life that I really wanted to do, there would be no time for just sitting in front of the TV on a weekday night with my shoes off wrapped in a snuggie and eating ice cream. If time were to simply multiply like rabbits seem to do, there would be no issues whatsoever.

I could make my own time to knit, to read, to study, to watch TV, to blog, to film, to pray, to eat, to hang out with friends, and to breathe. There would be no picking and choosing which ones are more important than the others as I so often have to do. I wouldn't have to worry about only reading for half an hour a day so that I still have time to make flashcards for Comm or to practice some vocabulary for German. I wouldn't have to tell myself to eat while I watch TV purely in order to save time. I wouldn't have to shove praying to it's designated times of 4:12 PM and right before bed. I wouldn't even have to turn breathing into a habit, but I could focus on the beauty of each breath as it's brought to me.

But instead life chooses to be on a schedule, and one that forces me to sometimes choose school over friends, comfort over peace, and even health over sanctity. It is not by choice that life operates in such ways, but it is at the very least easy for me to accept that I'm not in it alone.

Why today was awesome: I was going to write something here about how I found out that Phil is cheating on mac n cheese with pancakes, but apparently mac n cheese reads blogs, so I promised I wouldn't.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 19

10 Signs You've Been Watching Too Much Boy Meets World:

1. You start referring to all underwear as UNDAPANTS, and you think it in Cory Matthews' voice every time.
2. You begin to think of your friendships in terms of Shawn, Angela, Jack, Rachel, Eric, and Minkus. (Shawn being the best friend who is like you r other half, Angela being the best friend who came into your life later than the others, Jack being the random friend who is always around but you aren't really close to, Rachel being the tall, happy, red-headed weird friend who everyone seems to have at least one of, Eric being the stupid one that you just gotta love, and Minkus being the friend from the past that you try your hardest to forget but you end up seeing them at all the reunions and you can't help but miss their little annoying butts.) 
3. From Topanga's parents, you learn that people really do change and become new people. (And by change I mean 3 separate castings.)
4. You base all your past relationships on how far they drifted from Cory and Topanga's, thus locating why they failed.
5. Your only exclamation becomes "Yay yay yay!" with Cory's inflection.
6. You wish that you could have the same teacher from kindergarten through college, but only if it was Mr. Feeny.
7. You wish that transferring places of residence was as easy as they all made it look, but unfortunately residence hall housing contracts are much steeper than they are portrayed.
8. You go out to dinner and in casual conversation scream, "There's a Boy Meets World episode called that!"
9. You clap, cheer, and cry every time Cory/Topanga or Shawn/Angela break up and get back together, and you don't find it strange at all feeling so emotionally attached to TV characters.
10. You and your roommate sing the theme song loudly every time a new episode starts, and it never gets old.

Why today was awesome: CORY AND TOPANGA GOT MARRIED AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. YAY YAY YAY!

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 18

Coupons = Bonding

There is no hiding the fact that I have one of the best roommates on the planet. We have similar lifestyles in that we both like to do almost nothing but eat, sleep, eat, knit, sleep, vegetate, eat, poop, and sleep, but also in that we talk the same, think the same, enjoy the same fandoms, and even make fun of each other for the same things.

Kelsey and I met at orientation in June. It was there that we met our original merry band of comrades. It was just me, Kels, Stephanie, Chas (Chas8), Tyler, Drew F. (Thing 1), Drew K. (Thing 2), Elliot, Scott, and Hannah being awesome and taking on the campus as our own even though we wouldn't actually get to take it on full-blast for three long and painful months. It was almost instantaneous upon meeting these people that Chas and I were going to end up caring about each other, Tyler was going to be a very close friend to me, and that Kelsey was clearly going to have to be my roommate. There were no other options available.

Tyler and I bonded over Ultimate Ninja and twin-hood, Chas and I bonded over cereal flavors and staying up until 2 AM talking and listening to music, but Kelsey and I bonded on a significantly deeper level. We realized that out of the entire group that we were with, we were by far the nerdiest of the bunch, and there was no way on earth we were going to find other roommates who could possibly tolerate us for an entire year. And so we signed the proper paperwork and we prepared to engage in a happy and nerdy life together. And by life I mean year.

Now we've been living together for about five months and we've fallen into patterns and habits. There are some nights, however, when I appreciate the relationship we've built far more than others. Nights like tonight when she texts me asking something simple like, "Chipotle or ice cream?" and it turns into an adventure of me watching a video on facebook to get a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for Chipotle burritos only for us to travel from our Mexican haven to UDF for pints of ice cream, also for sale. We then camped out on the futon for a Friday night of lots of food, TV shows of our choice, and a lot of laughing.

Nights like tonight let me know that we meet everyone for a reason. I met Kelsey so that I could have the perfect roommate; one who understands that Friday nights aren't always about going out and being crazy, but that sometimes Friday nights can be a party without even leaving your room.

And this is why today was awesome.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 16

BIG BANG in the Membrane

In true honesty, I have no idea what I really want to write about, but sometimes my most magical moments in writing happen when I sit down with nothing on my mind and then something  magically produces itself onto my computer screen as if by some mysterious outside force. It's like the BIG BANG of the writing world when something is produced from the nothing that is the inside of my head.

The cavity that holds my brain is seriously so empty right now that it could store the entire contents of my closet (and trust me, that's a lot), but it's not a bad feeling. In fact, it's almost comforting. I'm not spending countless hours thinking about the two unfinished novels that are gathering dust on this very machine, nor am I thinking about how I just ate an entire cup full of nothing but Ranch dressing and how disgusting that probably is, nor am I lingering over the fact that I just wasted the past four hours watching episode after episode of Boy Meets World and neglecting my homework. Heck, until it hits 2 AM, I probably won't even be worried about where my roommate is even though her class ended 2 hours ago. My head is so empty that my brain isn't even working to produce this; it's just appearing.

I know what you're thinking, and I'm impressed, too.

There is so much to be wondering and dreaming about right now, but my head is on vacation. I must admit that it's kinda nice, though my stats homework would beg to differ.

Why today was awesome: I painted my nails and they look like a zebra.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 16

A Disturbance in the Force

There are some moments in my life where I sit around thinking, 'Oh my goodness. If this certain thing happened at this exact moment in time, I have an awesome comeback in mind right now!' Of course, those things never happen when I want them to, and sometimes when the event in question actually does happen, I've already forgotten my amazing one-liner.

Tonight had one of these such moments.

I was sitting in Bible study and I was talking to my friend David about how tasty my dinner was (I was eating a loaded baked potato and it was delicious) when all of a sudden he leaned forward to the coffee table in front of him and produced a random Lincoln Log. There were no other Lincoln Logs to be found. The quip that I was able to offer at the time was, "Well, they must still be in Illinois attached to Lincoln's cabin..." and while it got a couple laughs from the crowd, it was definitely not the best I could have done. However, I was satisfied enough not to linger on the moment. That is, until my paster Jay added in, "That's not a Lincoln Log."

Um, excuse me, Jay, but it hasn't been too long since I was a small child sitting in my grandparent's house surrounded by Lincoln Logs. I think I know what they look like. I mean, you can't get much more specific than a wooden log with little cutouts with which to stack other similar wooden logs on top of it. You really can't.

But Jay had a different opinion. "That's a light saber," he chirped. "A light saber?" David questioned with the same look of confusion on his face that was surely on mine. An affirmation from Jay led us to the conclusion that that little log was indeed a light saber.

Here is where my foreshadowing of comebacks-never-to-be-had comes in. At that moment as David was swinging around that little "light saber", I longed for him to drop it or accidentally throw it or even to start a dispute with Jay over the fact that the little toy was really just that; a toy. The only reason for this secret wish of mine was so that I could chuckle and say, "I sense a disturbance in the force. I guess it's not with you tonight, David." Pathetic, huh?

PS: Thanks for the book suggestion e-mails for the couple of you who sent them. I'll keep those in mind for sure!

Why today was awesome: I finished editing a video that I started back in August. And it's better than I thought it'd be.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 16

New Beginnings... Again.

Today I scheduled for classes next quarter, and despite the fact that those classes don't start for another month or so, I'm still very excited for them. I'm finally going to be taking a Theatre course- one of the two things that I openly admit that I'm awesome at-and I'm going to be taking another English course- the other thing I openly admit that I'm awesome at.

But really, where does this leave me? It means that I have one quarter left in my freshman year of college, and thus one quarter left in the residence halls. I've realized today that with the leaving of the residence hall and the moving into my own house, I only have one break left to spend at home with my family. That's not to say that I won't be going home several times next year for weekends or for Christmas... things like that, but those will be of my own choice. Never am I going to be forced out of my home over a holiday break again and never again will I have to spend time alone and surrounded by the droning silence that is Baker West's 3rd floor A wing.

While I'm going to be making a new family- my housemates Alex, Adam, Matt, Josh, Phil, Amanda, and Christian- I'm going to be leaving one behind, too. My little brother is turning eleven in a month and a half, and since I left in the fall,  he's already grown about four or five inches and is getting little zits on his nose that I never would have expected. He has completely started growing up, and I'm missing it. I realized that in choosing to come to a college that was a few hours from  home that I would be losing some of the finer moments with him, but I didn't think it would bother me this much. My biggest fear is that in five years when he's in high school and his friends ask him about his siblings that he doesn't say, "Oh, I have a sister, but she's way older than me, and I never see her. We're not very close." That would break my heart.

So as thrilled as I am to be sharing a loft with girls as wonderful as Amanda and Alex and sharing a living space with Matt, one of my best friends in the entire world, I'm also slightly skeptical about leaving my brother, my dog, my guinea pig, my parents, and my grandparents in my wake. They know I love them and that I think about them all the time, but is that enough?

On a side note, I really want to start reading again, and I want to download a few books to my Kindle. I'm currently re-reading The Hunger Games, and I want to start re-reading Harry Potter before this summer, too, but that leaves room open in my schedule for a few new books. If any of you reading this no matter what website you're being directed from would like to give me a book suggestion, please leave a comment or send me a message in various locations to make me look for them. You know where to find me. ;) 

Why today was awesome: GLEE. SO MANY EMOTIONS.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 16

Perspective

Life isn't so much a matter of right or wrong, happy or sad, bored or busy; life is simply a matter of perspective. I'm not saying that if you imagine yourself to be happy, you'll automatically become so, but I'm saying that if you surround yourself with optimistic people and you do things that you know make you happy instead of surrounding yourself with dismal things, you'll tend to have a generally happier outlook on life as a whole.

That being said, there is also a matter of your perspective of other people. Upon meeting someone, you already know whether you like or dislike a person based on their appearance, their voice, their way of standing or walking, or even their facial expressions. You might not keep that opinion for longer than a couple minutes, but sometimes those first impressions can be lasting. However, ultimately the way you look at someone is a matter of perspective; if you look at them envisioning them as a beautiful person inside and out, then it's going to become harder for your opinion to become tainted by their demeanor.

The same goes the other way around; if you automatically want to see the person as awful and mean and crude, then that's what your perspective shifts toward regardless of if they are a wonderful individual or not. It happens to everyone, and it's simply human nature.

Your parents get divorced. Your father gets a new girlfriend and then announces that he's marrying her. Automatically, your mind starts to paint pictures of the evil stepmothers from fairy tales, and it becomes severely more difficult for your new stepmother to win your affections no matter how sweet and genuine she might be, and how much she insists that she doesn't want to force you to clean the entire house for her own benefit.

No matter what we do, our mind is constantly painting these pictures of people in our heads, and it's hard to stop thinking in a certain way until we step back and completely re-evaluate our opinions.

In my case, this perspective that I'm discussing involves my ex-boyfriends new ex-girlfriend. Long story short he broke up with me and three weeks later already had a new girlfriend. I already knew her, and I had no bad opinions of her whatsoever, but suddenly she turned into the wicked witch in my head, and I began making snide comments and low-blown jokes, all of which made me look like the bad person. Regardless of the fact that I had two mugs and my hot cocoa maker in hand ready to walk over and offer her comfort after she and he broke up, she probably views me as a catty individual (and rightfully so) because I never went through with it and let all of my awfulness stand to represent the only thoughts she was sure to have of me. I let the fact that I'd spent three months loathing her taint my perspective of the current situation, and I instead spent my night making even worse jokes and laughing harder at the situation than ever before.

I tell everyone that I am a nice person with the best intentions and a heart of gold, but really, I'm only human. I let my emotions run away with me, and I let myself be overcome with hate and disdain and jealousy every now and then just like everyone else. I try and I fail, and that's all part of what makes me real. So, to anyone reading this who I've hurt with my words or my actions, I apologize. Know that my perspective is something that I work very hard to keep positive about everyone and everything, but I too fall short.

Why today was awesome: I had dinner with Jennifer and I've missed her dearly.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 16

Happy Weekend

So, I skipped blogging yesterday, so I have twice as much to tell you guys about! I'll go by days here so you don't get too confused.

Friday after I posted my blog: I was sitting at church, crying and making a salty, snotty mess out of myself when Mike Lombardo called me on the phone. Our conversation pretty much can be paraphrased into this:
Mike: What's wrong?
Me: *mumbles and cries and attempts to sound coherent and okay but is really scared, irritated, hungry, and whiny*
Mike: Get up. You're going to talk to me on the phone while you walk home and nobody is going to hurt you because you're going to be on the phone. That's how this works.
Me: But-but-but. *gets up, turns off the lights in the church, gathers things, and walks back to dorm while shaking and attempting not to cry again*
Mike: By the way, there will be a pizza at your dorm in 15 minutes. Just sign for it.
Me: Say whaaa?
Mike: Just make a video of you eating the whole thing and put it on the internet.
Me: Wow. Um. Okay. Thanks. Btw, you're the best thing since string cheese.
Mike: Word.

Saturday: I slept until 2:30 and then I had dinner with my future roommates Amanda and Alex at Panara, and then Amanda and I had a movie night in which we watched The Hangover, Prince of Persia, and Ella Enchanted. Not only do we have intensely high stamina when it comes to movie watching, but we both also know the entire dance at the end of Ella Enchanted. Next year is going to be super fun.

This movie night was also the reason that I didn't put up a blog yesterday. Eating Twix, drinking Arizona iced tea, and dancing with Amanda was somewhat distracting, and I didn't get back to my room until 2:46 AM.

Sunday: I had lunch with 6/8ths of my future housemates and then we played a few games of Uno and then I kicked all of their butts at Apples to Apples. Putting the Helen Keller card down for "Senseless" is probably the most hilarious thing that has ever happened to that game, but it also dictates that we were all horrible people for laughing as hard as we did. After the games I came back to my room, cleaned a little, straightened my hair, and went to church where I ate lots of beans and hugged Brooke and had to fight people for my "Ashley bed".

After church I ate my fill of bacon, but ended up biting my lip opening and creating quite a mess for myself to clean up because apparently my lip is a bleeder. However, pink lemonade helped ease the pain.

All-in-all, the weekend didn't turn out as horribly as it started.

Why today was awesome: I successfully french braided my own hair without even knowing how to french braid.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

It's Friday and I'm Bored.

There is a whole lot that I could be doing right now, but I'm sitting at church with the hope that something awesome is going to appear right in front of me, but it's not. It's dark and I'm alone and there are raging parties on every side of me and I'm hungry and I'm miserable at best. This is not the way Fridays are supposed to go.

I think I'm eventually going to cave and go back to my room to eat bacon smothered in chocolate frosting and feel bad for myself because that seems to be my usual Friday activity lately. Saturday always is an improvement, but Fridays have come to suck. I am so unusual in that I spend my week feeling excited for Tuesdays, not the weekend. Tuesdays are usually nice days, not to mention the fact that they are Glee days, I never have homework, and I have no other commitments. After class I can just sit around and eat and feel joy all night. Somehow though, doing that on Friday just isn't the same thing.

I can't wait until spring break.

Why today was awesome: I had a salad for lunch. That's all she wrote.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

I Just Have A Lot of Feelings...

Life. 

The wise don't get what they can't understand.

The ignorant don't get what they can't see coming.

The naive don't understand anything that's coming.

The sheltered don't see coming what they can't understand.

Life. 

The happy are chastised for their smiles.

The sad are belittled for their tears. 

The average men are labeled as unfeeling.

The pained are marked as weak. 

Life. 

The loved become arrogant.

The lonely wish for love. 

The contented are to blame for both. 

Life. 

The overweight eat too much.

The thin eat too little. 

The low-metabolismed are unlucky.

The high-metabolismed wish they weren't. 

Life. 

Those with the money buy the happiness.

Those without money supply it. 

The people happiness is bought from lose it.

The people who receive happiness have nothing but to gain.

Life. 

Hurt.

Betrayal.

Jealousy.

Hatred.

Pride.

Lust.

Anger.

Fear.

Life. 

The road leads to nowhere.

We are all on it. 

But who is leading the way?

Why today was awesome: I saw Kacie at the RPAC! :)

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Blast From The Past

Today I was chilling on my futon getting ready to leave for Bible study when I got a message on facebook from an old boyfriend of mine. We dated over three years ago and he was the first boy I thought I was in love with, and he was also the first one to break my heart. I had no idea what he wanted, but when I opened up the chat, all I saw was, "If I apologized to you, would you accept it?"

I had no idea what he was talking about because the last time I'd seen him was in December, and we were at a Christmas party and we small talked and goofed around and made weird jokes out of each other just like we've been doing for years. I didn't see anything that he would have had to apologize for. But then what he said made my jaw drop: "Three years ago I was blind and I broke your heart."

If I had expected him to say anything like that, it would have been three years ago, and even then it would have shocked me. But to hear him say it now, after all this time has passed with us being on good terms with each other was completely mind-blowing. I had no idea what brought it on, but before I could even really ask, he told me that he found the letter I wrote him after we broke up.

Right. Of course I wrote him a letter. That's kinda my signature thing to do. I write guys letters because I'm awkward when I try to talk about emotional things out loud. Why would he have been any different? But why would he have kept it? Regardless, he found this letter and he read it and felt horrible about how he ended things and how he broke my heart, even though we were 16 and silly.

It was just the sort of gesture that lifted my good day to a great one and made me realize that people change and that all of my friends are growing up and becoming different people than the ones I remember, but beautiful ones all the same. He made me realize that there is still some hope for guys that I've had to let go, and it makes me happy to know that they're all going to be just fine, and so will I. Things happen, but it's always for the best, but that doesn't mean you can't step into your past for a few seconds and right some wrongs that happened all that time ago.

He didn't have to message me today, and I'm sure he debated for awhile whether he even should or not. But I'm glad he did. He really taught me something today, and I feel very fortunate to have had him and so many of the other people who have come in and out of my life. No matter how long it's been since something has come to pass, there's always a chance to fix it.

Why today was awesome: Cane's chicken. Oh, and I found out that I'm totally in the height range to be a Disney princess after all!!!! :D

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Too Hyper To Handle

So I got back from class today, and as is my usual Tuesday routine, I kicked off my shoes, and I plopped down on the couch, and I opened up all my internet tabs, cranked MTV, put my feet up on my footrest, and breathed a big sigh of relief. No sooner had I gotten comfortable than my phone started ringing. Frustrated, I fumbled with it, saw that it was my friend-and future housemate- Josh and decided to answer it.

Me: Hello?
Josh: Danny abandoned me. What's your room number?
Me: Huh? Oh. ****.
Josh: The numbers go that high?
Me: Yeah, it's on the third floor.
Josh: Okay. ****? I'll be there in a minute.
-hangs up-
Me: Oh crap.

Of course, mine and my roommates belongings were strewed across the entire room because it was nowhere close to Friday, our cleaning day. In fact, it was about as far from Friday as possible, meaning our room was at it's messiest. Wonderful.

So I scurried around the room and threw things in their general locations while attempting to clear the center of the floor so he wouldn't think we were total slobs. Luckily, he didn't seem to mind the mess. What he did mind however was my usual perky disposition.

My general and overall extremely happy attitude bothers some people, and Josh is one of those people. However, my hyper level doesn't have an on/off switch, and I tend to get hyper around people who make me happy. Josh makes me happy. I get hyper around Josh. However, once I'm hyper, it's hard to turn it off unless I really concentrate, which is hard in itself, and even harder when I'm giggling at everything like a small child.

Needless to say, Josh only stayed for about an hour. Luckily, he still loves me.

Why today was awesome: I got a letter from Kayla in the mail! <3

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Welp, I Survived.

Valentine's Day is notoriously the worst day of the year for me. I spend the other 364 days just dreading February 14th... but this year it wasn't so bad. I didn't see any more cute couples than normal, I didn't eat enough chocolate to feel bad about myself, I spent some time with some great friends, and I even got a couple cards and candies from people. I got four texts saying, "I love you,", three facebook chats saying, "You are loved," or, "I'm glad we're friends," or things of the sort, and I even got one very pleasant phone call.

So maybe I'm agitated that this holiday exists solely so that candy, flower, and card companies can make a solid profit and I really don't see the point of it, but it was actually okay today. I just wish people would be in the mood to love each other all the time instead of just one day a year. It would make everything so much brighter.

I hope that you all had a fantastic Valentine's Day even if you were single and lonely. If no one else has said it to you so far, YOU ARE LOVED!

Why today was awesome: Free cookies at Subway!

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Songs that Don't Exist... Yet.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and for all intent and purpose the worst day of the year. I'm pretty sure that I would have this same opinion about Valentine's Day even if I wasn't single. It's very simple, really. I don't think that there should be a holiday celebrating those we love, when we should celebrate those people every day of the year, and not just on February 14th. Sure, it's nice to have an excuse to go out to dinner or give your boyfriend or girlfriend a card or candy or a stuffed animal, but really, that kind of stuff should happen randomly all the time anyway, so why is Valentine's Day so special?

I'm going to be spending my holiday at an event called Expressions: Love and Loss. Basically it's like an open mic night for poetry, singing, acting, dancing, music, and then a gallery to display visual artwork. I was originally going to sing a few songs with a piano accompaniment and let that be that, but today I decided to utilize the medium of acting instead. While I consider myself to be a triple threat, (that is-talented to some degree in the arts of singing, dancing, and acting), I do recognize that acting is my forte of the three facets, and so that's what I'm going to show off.

The problem that I am currently facing is that the scene I've decided to act out is from The Hunger Games, which is still just a book. Still not seeing the problem? I wouldn't expect you to. However, the passage I've selected involves a song. As every good reader knows, songs in books don't come with built-in melodies that sing to you from the pages. No, you have to create them in your head. So tonight, instead of simply memorizing a monologue from a book as I'd normally do, I also had to write an entire melody to go with my song. Lucky for me I found a couple on YouTube to give me a push in the right direction, but it was still more than I'd bargained for when I woke up this morning. Hopefully it'll turn out as great tomorrow night as I'm envisioning it in my head.

Why today was awesome: I got my hair French braided, and I love it when my hair is in braids. :)

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Bacon!!!!

My parents and brother came to visit me today, and they brought me a whole bag of goodies for Valentine's Day including Pepsi, lots of rice, candy, a sock monkey, hot cocoa, and even microwaveable bacon. And here I was thinking that Valentine's Day was a pointless holiday. Oh, how wrong I was.

In other news, I'm staying the night at Kacie's tonight just for something to do on a Saturday. We both might spend some time doing homework, and we both might not feel very energetic, but it's the thought that counts. And I might just get a trip to secret Wendy's out of this, which is a Wendy's hidden in the bowels of the campus hospital. I have yet to go there, and I so desperately want to.

In yet other news, I have new socks on. I love new socks. They mean that I own more socks to create new matches out of when the dryer eats my old ones. They also mean that I have one extra day before I have to do laundry again. New socks are the best, man; the best.

Why today was awesome: I had steak for dinner. Nuff said.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Chocolate Therapy

So, I'm not going to bore you with the awful details of my life, but reasons being what they were, today was kind of a bad day. It wasn't awful by any means... I mean, my hair looked really cute, I got to go to lunch with one of my great friends and some other people whose company I enjoy, I kicked my friend's butt in darts, I took a nice nap, I went out to dinner with another friend, and I haven't had anything traumatic happen.

But as far as days go, this one gets a pretty high score on the lame scale.

I've spent the last five hours on and off the phone, watching old Mary-Kate and Ashley movies, and eating chocolate Poptarts dipped in chocolate frosting with a side of Nutella. I know the couple things that triggered this sudden need for my sticky and sweet savior, but in all this was just a much-needed girls night in with some great conversations with some great guys and an excuse to eat all the sweets I wanted while my roommate is gone for the weekend.

This is the first Friday in a long time that I haven't had any sort of plans whatsoever, and while  at first I was somewhat disappointed by my lack of friends pounding down my door demanding my company, the quiet was kind of nice for a change. I've been able to watch bits and pieces of the Grammys, I've gotten caught up with some childhood favorites, and I've even managed to clean up my room a little.

Call my evening boring if you will- I probably would, too- but I think it was a nice change of pace, and I'm comfortable with my decision to be a momentary hermit. Besides, I'll make up for it tomorrow, so no harm, no foul. =]

Why today was awesome: I think the awesomest part was beating Josh at darts. Yeah, that rocked.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

Me Gusta

I spent some healthy time in one of my residence hall's practice rooms tonight, and it felt good to just sing again. I didn't care who was listening (though the room is almost completely soundproof) or what I was even singing, but I was using my voice to all of it's decibel range, and it felt great. I'm going to be singing for an audience on Monday for the first time since September, and I'm nervous about it because I'm out of practice, but then again, after tonight I can't help but be excited, too.

Not only did I sing for fun, but I also did some recordings including one of the songs I'm going to use to audition for Disney. All I know is that song turned out the best, and I'm overly exhilarated about the audition I'm going to be facing in a little more than a year. I was born to be a Disney princess. It's pretty much in my blood, flowing through my veins at such a high frequency that I dream in prancing cartoons with flowing ball-gowns and crazy animal sidekicks.

All that's left is for my future to take the reigns and steer me there turn by turn. I'm on the right track, and I couldn't be more eager or excited for tomorrow because it'll put me one step closer to that ultimate goal. Oh, and because tomorrow is Friday, which means getting pasta at Mama's with the whole gang after class. =]

Why today was awesome: I had dinner with Kacie, and I hadn't seen her in a couple weeks. It was gossip-filled and wonderful.

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

To be, or not to be?

On this day, I awoke, and stretched my aching limbs in preparation for the early bright. My eyes feasted themselves upon an alluring and pulchritudinous facade; one that it recognized as familiar, however neoteric. It seemed as though a new me had been contrived from the ashes of some larger flame than even the one that grows and festers in my soul. The sound my feet make as I traipse to the bathroom with a day's full of ambitions on my tongue and my mind's forefront is dull but full of desire and anticipation. I pave the way of my existence with showers of blithe rosebuds and resonating hymns. Today is my day. Today I am made new. Today, the world and I remain in a state of total equanimity. 


... What the crap is this?! 


Okay, I realize that some people are born with poetic souls, but if you're so poetic that your writing sounds pathetic, then you should really consider writing it for your diary instead of the internet. Writing such as what I have demonstrated above can only be truly completed with the use of forcing words you wouldn't normally use and a nice visit to thesaurus.com. Honestly, half of the words I used aren't even recognized by google chrome's spell check. 


I'm not trying to make fun of anyone or anything, but then again I kind of am. Don't worry, it's probably not you. Unless you write like the first paragraph. Then it's you. 


Why today was awesome: The snack lady came by my room with her cart. I got cookies. 

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

I Can't Even

I can't even begin to settle down enough to form a consise blog post tonight. I have so many things to be happy about and so much to be grateful for and I am all smiles and then some! I appreciate all of you reading this, and I appreciate everyone who will read the first five words and choose not to continue. I love everyone who follows me, and all of you who choose not to or unable to follow me, but have at least enjoyed something that I've rambled.

The world is full of beautiful people, and you're one of them.

Why today was awesome: Why wasn't today awesome?!

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 15

And the K's have it!

I have four girls in my life that I consider to be my best friends. (I actually have five, but for the purpose of this post, we're settling on four.) They all have one very unique thing in common; all of their names start with the letter K. I think this is a very strange occurrence, so I'm taking this opportunity to tell you all how my best friends differ even though they have that one thing in common.

Kayla: Kayla fits the definition of "best friend" through to the core. I feel bad for everyone else in the world because I already have the best best friend that there could possibly ever be, and she completes me mind, body, and soul. I remember the day I met her just about five years ago. We immediately hit it off as Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean nerds and we settled into a friendship that has withstood time, distance, stress, and resentment. We have only ever had one real "fight" and it lasted less than a day and I can't even remember what it was about. All I know is that 70 years from now when I'm old and in a nursing home, sobbing over the loss of everyone I've held near and dear, Kayla will be the one in the rocker next to me holding my hand and telling me to shut up because she's trying to watch The Little Mermaid and my sobs are the only thing her hearing aids are picking up.

Kacie: I have known this girl for over half of my life. It's hard to believe that we met over 10 years ago now, but it's even harder to believe that we didn't really become best friends until about a year and a half ago. I feel like she's been my go-to girl for much longer than that, but she really hasn't been. She's definitely the most colorful of all my friends- and I mean colorful in the way that she wore neon orange shoes to graduation as valedictorian colorful. She is free-spirited, loves to sing (even though she knows she's tone deaf), and is one of the best dancers I know. I'm really glad we had AP chemistry together and ended up coming to the same college because the transition would have been so much more difficult without her around.

Kelsey: Kelsey is my roommate. I've only known her for around 8 months now, but it feels like longer than that. We figured out a long time ago how to irritate each other, how to make each other happy, how to do subtle nice things for each other, and how to get mad without really getting mad. We're classic awesome as far as roommates go, and I know that I made the right choice in who to spend my life with for the first year of college. She's been great, and she gave me a freaking boss Zefron poster. What's not to adore? For real. She's the most Nutella-obsessed Luke Conard fangirl that I've ever met.

Kristen: I met Kristen in September of this year and we didn't really form a close friendship until November, but she's quickly melted into my life and into my heart with ease. She's one of the best violinists I know, and she's easily the most self-assured and free-minded person that I've ever met. She knows what she wants and she doesn't care what she has to do to get it. Some might call it tunnel-vision, but I call it Kristen, and I love her for it. She always knows just what to say to make me smile.

(Shoutout to Brooke who I didn't discuss because her name starts with a B, but who is equally important. ♥)

Why today was awesome: I ACED MY STATS MIDTERM!

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 14

Dream a Little Dream

So my week last week went by fairly quickly, but now it feels like it was ages away because this weekend dragged something awful. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't slept more than 13 hours each day and if I had had better plans for the evenings... but I digress.

For the first time in over a month, I had a dream that I remembered the morning after. It was actually something more of a nightmare. My grandpas are two of my favorite people on the planet, and I had back-to-back dreams that each of them had died. I woke up in a cold sweat more than once, but no matter how many times I woke up, the dream picked right back up where I left off.

I hate thinking that dreams are signs of what's going to happen in the near future, but I have these really strong urges to write both of my grandpas really nice, long letters just to tell them how much I love them. I know that dreams aren't real, but when your biggest fear is losing your grandfather and then you watch him die in your head... It isn't exactly forgettable.

On a more pleasant note, I looked really cute all weekend.

Why today was awesome: My hair cooperated with me.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 13

Free Spirited

I've been amazing myself as of late with just how much freedom I'm giving myself. Sure, I didn't walk the two blocks to catch a bus to go smoke hookah with my friends tonight, but before that I went straight from class to go out to eat off campus with everyone and then out for coffee and then shopping for clubbing dresses all on a whim. It was much more spontaneous than I was expecting my day to be.

Before this quarter I lived on a strict schedule that people who have to shove me off a cliff to try and change, but I've realized that I've become much more go-with-the-flow since I got back after break. I don't know if it's a mind thing or if it's just a natural progression of my character, but I have to say that I'm really starting to like it. It's really nice not to feel so uptight all the time, and I've found that people are more willing to want to do stuff with me when I'm more willing to go in the first place. Go figure.

On a different note, I stayed up until 4 AM to finish The Hunger Games trilogy last night and it was probably one of the more significant moments in my life. It was the first time since Deathly Hallows that I've cried myself to sleep with a book wrapped in my arms. I honestly feel like my best friend has left me because I don't have another one to sink my teeth into. I thought Harry Potter withdrawal was bad, but this is worse because I've already gone through and gotten over Harry Potter syndrome a long time ago.

If you've never read The Hunger Games and you're of a mature reading level, I highly suggest it. It's post-apocalypse and it's sort of like an Olympic games where the goal is for 24 kids to go into an arena with intent to be the last one standing... but it's so much more beautiful than I could even account for. And before anyone asks, I'm totally Team Peeta (though I was Team Gale for a majority of the first book, and I hate calling them Teams because it makes me think of Twilight and there isn't even a way to put those two books anywhere near the same category on any level).

Why today was awesome: I bought two new dresses, and I like them. I also ordered Chinese take-out for the first time this year.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 5.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 12

My Hidden Talent

It was requested awhile ago that I indulge you all with how it is that I've lost my key so many times this year already. Yes, seven times seems quite the lofty number for it only being the 3rd of February, but it's actually not too shabby.

Let me first explain what my definition of the word "lost" is (besides an incredibly amazing and emotion-inducing TV show); the way that I define the words, 'I lost my key,' is when I find myself in a panic and screaming, "Kelsey, where's my key!? I just want to pee/go to class! Where is it?!" However, generally in cases such as this the key is in one of several pockets: my robe, my pants, my laptop bag...

There has only been one time this school year (granted still in 2010) that I have even needed to file for a replacement key, but that can't even count as a "lost" key because I knew exactly where my key was... but it was locked in my room.

So, to be honest with you, none of my lost key stories are all that thrilling considering 98% of them end with Kelsey saying, "Ash, have you checked your pocket?"

Why today was awesome: I finally got to meet Mike Lombardo and I ate at Five Guys for the first time and I got to talk to Hayley Hoover on the phone and I watched AVPM with some cool kids and I'm soooooo close to being done with Mockingjay. *deep breath*

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 4.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 12

I am excite!

This is going to be short because it's 12:34 AM and I'm trying not to wake Kelsey up by typing too much, but after Bible study tonight, I went with Brooke and Josh to attempt to go ice skating, but that didn't work, so we went to the house where Josh lives and where I'll be living next year, too. I got to see my future bedroom for the first time and I LOVE IT.

Two words: Built-in. Bookshelves.

Needless to say I had a lot of fun squealing over those plus the fact that Narnia is going to be right next to my bed plus the fact that the bathroom is super nice plus the fact that it's just SO nice in there! I'm going to have an amazing year next year that I can't even quantify right now. It's going to be incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Why today was awesome: I learned how to properly penguin.

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 4.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 11

Snowpocalypse!

Besides going to class, my day has been spent reading my Communication book, reading Mockingjay, chatting with one of the cutest professors I've ever seen in my life, eating, and watching The Bachelor. Normally on a night such as this I'd venture out, maybe go get some burritos with my friends or hang out at church with a group of random people drinking chai lattes and being merry... but today is what is being called "Snowpocalypse".

Here where I live, it's really more of an icepocalypse than an snowpocalypse, but we all still have our fingers and toes crossed that it's enough to cancel classes tomorrow. In the event that class is cancelled, I'm going to have an AMAZING day chilling with my friend Regina and Julie, reading more Mockingjay, filming my Daily Quibbler video, and then going to Bible study. But if I have class, all I'm going to get to do are the latter two items, which will be decent, but nothing overly memorable.

It keeps raining on and off, everything is slick, the ground is covered in slush, and it's supposed to snow starting at 2 or 3 AM on top of the ice and slush. If that doesn't shut school down for the day, I don't know what will. Record or not, OSU had better be smart about this.

Why today was awesome: I found a brand new studying technique!

My year in numbers:

How Many Books I've Read: 4.5

How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 7

How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 11