With only ten days left of high school, the nostalgia is setting in. Next year I will be surrounded by different hallways, different classrooms, different sounds, different smells, and perhaps the most impacting, different people. Not to say that I'll miss everyone here, because I won't, but I will miss certain people and the feeling that we'll be friends forever when it is becoming more and more obvious that we won't be.
Everyone has those high school best friends that slowly fade into the background as time passes, and I always claimed that I would be different, and I would keep them all, but as I've found the world of the internet, the people inside have also shown me what real friendship is, and the kinds that are worth keeping. I now realize that even if I don't keep all the friends I always said I would, if I keep the ones that matter, the ones who were always there even when I didn't ask them to be, then I'll be set for the rest of my life.
I know that next year I'm going to find myself surrounded by almost an entirely new group of people, and as unnerving as that is, it's also strangely exciting. I'm having to say goodbye to my best friends Kayla and Hannah, but I know they'll always be here when I need them to be, and they know that my dorm is always open to them whenever they come down to visit. I only hope that I can find friends who can be just as supportive of me in my new home as I have in this current one. Luckily for me, I have my other best friend going to school with me, so I have a feeling that I'll be seeing lots and lots of Kacie next year, which I'm perfectly okay with.
I don't know yet for sure what I want to do with my life, but I know I want to write. It's the one thing I can do almost effortlessly, not to mention quite quickly. I know I still have lots to improve upon in my writing, but it's definitely the one area of schoolwork that I don't mind spending time strengthening.
The only other thing that's really been plauging my mind in the nostalgia department is the fact that I've been waiting months and months and months to move down to my university so that I could finally be around my "friend" (or as Kacie lovingly calls him, my "not-boyfriend") Matt all the time, but there's a good chance that he's now leaving to do Ministry work for an entire year... When he told me, there wasn't anything I could do but support him- After all, how can you not support someone for doing something that you admire?- however, I sobbed and cried while I was telling him to go (though he'll never know that). As much as I will miss him, I know that he's only trying to find ways to improve his future and I want him to do what's going to make him happy, even if it means losing him and bringing an abrupt end to all my schoolgirl fantasies. I don't know what I expected to happen, but it wasn't this.
As much as I don't want to lose him, though, I can't wait around forever. I've already waited for him for almost a year (not sure if he knows that either), but I can't promise to wait for another, and the fact that I can't promise that pretty much rips my heart out. There are going to be plenty of new fish in the sea, and while I can't see one being more colorful and beautiful than him right now, I know there probably will be one if I look heard enough. My only hope right now is that he changes his mind and stays and all my little daydreams come true and I don't have to worry about those other fish at all. (Did I mention that I hate fish? I should probably get a different analogy.)
I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me as much as I like him, so this entire thing could be slightly irrelevant if my wishes and dreams aren't mutual, but it's nice to pretend that they are and that he'll dramatically change his mind at the last second and come sweep me off my feet and proclaim some sort of hidden feelings for me in front of a large crowd of people, and maybe in the rain... but I know it's never going to happen, so why dream?
"Don't dream too far. Don't lose sight of what you are. Don't remember that rush of joy... Don't wish, don't start. Wishing only wounds the heart. I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl... He could be that boy, but I'm not that girl." - Wicked
Days left of class: 10
Lost episodes left: 3
Days until graduation: 33
