Sometimes I wonder if you even exist. Usually I like to think that you do, but sometimes I'm not so sure.
There is a part of every little girl that watches Disney movies and dreams of her own Prince Charming. At age 5 it's merely a man who can save her from her evil step family, whisk her away to a royal wedding, wake her from the deepest of slumbers, or even simply give her that first, real, foot-popping kiss.
In elementary school, he becomes that one boy who you can stand to be around the most without fear of not having taken that crucial cootie shot; the boy who would gladly trade his fruit-by-the-foot for your gushers even if he really wanted his own snack in the first place. He is the boy who would brave teasing just to be your friend.
By high school, it’s that boy you dance with at prom. It's the boy who stood with you through dozens of pictures taken by a camera-happy mother that both of you will cringe at twenty years later. It's the boy who brings you a corsage that you never want to throw away, it's petals pressed between the pages of some sacred book, fading memories of a night almost too magical to be truly real.
Almost twenty years on this planet have been spent, and yet I'm still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. I often wonder why it has taken you this long to find me and sweep me off my feet, to whisk me away to happily ever after and never look back. But I know that it is probably because when I meet you, it will be more magical and more real than any of the fairy tales I dreamed of as a child.
I sometimes question your existence. I didn't when I was younger, but now I seem to every day. Perhaps it's because I've yet to see fireworks. Perhaps it's because all my friends seem to be finding the answers to their dreams and I'm still here alone. Or perhaps it's even because you're out there doubting that I exist, too.
I may already know you, or I may not meet you for years to come, but whatever God decides, I know it will be perfect. Whether we've been friends for years, or whether we have years until our friendship, it will be beautiful in the end.
I can’t even begin to give you hope that I would make the world's most perfect princess. I might look the part, and I might even act the part someday, but I promise that I will end up keeping you constantly on the edge of your seat. I'll amuse you with my quirks—there are a lot of them-- and I’ll probably steal a bunch of your hoodies only so I can cuddle in them at night to feel closer to you you. I'll probably even drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar or tuck your tag in constantly.
What I can promise to be your best friend; that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you look for when you're feeling lonely, or the person you can text when situations get awkward. I promise to want to take care of you when you're sick, leave you weird voice mails when I know you're having a bad day, and make you a sandwich if you're hungry.
There will be times where I might hug you for too long, mess up your hair, or say your name too many times in one sentence, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore every little piece of you. I’ll end up in your lap by the end of most scary movies and make you feel like a superhero every time you kill a spider. I’ll do my best to cook your favorite food on your birthday and I'll try to be friends with your mom and your sister.
I’ll respect your nights with the boys and talk you up to all of my girlfriends. I’ll watch football or hockey with you and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.
I'll learn the boundaries between giving you your space and showering you with constant affection even if it means sitting and playing video games with you for hours on end or making you hot chocolate when it snows.
We’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking silly pictures, eating awesome food, learning new cultures, and never running out of things to talk about every step of the journey.
You will be the person I want to take silly photo-booth pictures with, get caught in the rain, or lie in a hammock on the beach staring at the stars and questioning the world together. And I'm not waiting for a magic carpet ride or any magical glass shoes because I know I won’t need any of that in the end because I will love you for who you are, not what you can give me.
You’ll be the guy who accepts me for who I am, faults and all, and will laugh as I burst into random Disney songs in public places or squeak a little when I get excited.
You'll be the one I want to plan a future with. Buying a shabby one-bedroom apartment, picking out our first dog and arguing about what to name it, or being the proud parents on the sidelines of our child's first little league game. I keep hoping that when we finally find each other, you'll be the face I fall asleep and wake up to every day for the rest of my forever.
To the man I know is out there, a man I know exists to help me make sense of this world: I can't wait to love you. I'm waiting to spend every day of the rest of my life with you. I only hope that you're waiting for me, too.
Love,
Me
Why today was awesome: I had unlimited Tetris energy!
My year in numbers:
How Many Books I've Read: 11
How Many Times I've Lost My Key: 10
How Many Bowls of Soup I've Consumed: 56
